Dear Internet Explorer,
It would be extremely easy for me to start this off with, “Please go **** yourself,” but I’m classier than that. So, allow me to restart.
Dear Internet Explorer,
You make my work life miserable. Had I known that taking a real job meant using you five days of the week, eight hours a day, I might have considered unemployment, or another retail living nightmare.
May I just say how astounded I am at your lock-up frequency? Because I am. Astounded, that is. It seems that every other time I try to open a tab, or scroll within an existing one, I’m treated to a total system freeze, complete with “this program is not responding” warnings, and the maddening, spinning blue wheel.
I also need to ask a very important question: why is it that often times when I try to close a window, instead of it closing, it becomes a tab within another window? This is a very serious situation, and one that I’m certain causes a blood pressure spike in me.
Let’s take a moment to discuss how slow and choppy you are, and how many tabs I have accidentally closed because of these issues. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about the fact that you don’t have a “reopen closed tab” option! What are you, stuck in 2004?
And why, oh why why why don’t you have a built in spell checker? It’s like you’re some sort of horrifying beta program that never should have seen actual human interaction. What self-respecting, modern day software doesn’t have spell check? I am a professional, and because you somehow became the “industry standard” (please tell me you catch the heavy, sarcastic emphasis there), I have to use you.
Remember how I just said that I’m a professional? Yeah, it is kind of important for me to come across as one, but, as a human, I tend to err, so as hard as I try to type properly, typos are bound to slip through! But, no, you leave me hanging, Internet Explorer, completely editor-less, and open to making embarrassing mistakes such as “morgtage,” “tomorow,” and “waht” when my fingers are flying across the keyboard.
So you see, you’re a pathetic excuse for a web browser, and you honestly should be ashamed of your “features,” and the fact that you’re sharing the spotlight with legitimate programs such as Chrome and Firefox.
Yours in disgust,
*header image and preview image created from these images.