I'm back, and I missed you!

My brain feels all spongy and my fingers are flopping all over this keyboard. You’d think that using technology would be like riding a bike, but after two and a half weeks I’m feeling very out of touch. The first few days were great: open space, no technology, and freedom. 

Pretty, but completely unhelpful in terms of technological wonderings.

Then I started to wonder what everyone else in the world was doing. Had anyone posted new cat pictures to Instagram? Was I missing any exciting updates in the video game world? How many new Doctor Who gifs had appeared on Tumblr?

The open night sky and brightly burning stars couldn’t answer these questions. Instead, I learned the answers to a whole new set of questions that I didn’t realize I had.

-I learned that bees won’t investigate empty soda cans on overcast days or cloudy days, but on sunny ones a whole swarm will appear. Just so you know, they really do hate smoke and will fairly promptly leave an area once said area is filled with campfire smoke.

-I learned that a rattlesnake can totally look like a discarded bungee cord. And in conjunction with this, I learned that I am completely OK with running over bungee cords. No, I didn’t run over the snake, but I totally almost did since I thought it was a bungee cord, and we've already established that I don't mind running those things over.

Hyper zoomed in, for proof reasons!

-I finally figured out how to pee in the wilderness without ruining my pants. This is something I’ve been working on for about eighteen years.

-I learned that running (or rather, wildly scrambling away) from a bee while on a decline of boulders is easily in the top ten stupid ways to die. I sat for a long time afterward and had a serious conversation with myself about the pain of a bee sting versus falling down a hill of giant rocks.

Pro tip: falling down this will not be better than a bee sting.

-I learned that not all oasises (oasi?) have water. That was disappointing. 

-I learned that road runners are teeny, tiny birds. They are fast though!

-I learned that every single thing in the desert is out to kill us. Did you know that some cacti even jump at innocent passers-by? Lock up your children and pets, people.

 These may look pretty, but they will mess you up. Go talk to some scientists about 

this enormous static electricity problem, and then get back to me.

Also? This looks incredibly painful.

-I learned that even while in the desert, I’ll still find a tree to run into while drunk. The only tree at the campsite, mind you.

If you’re ever thinking about camping in the desert, just don’t. It is a harsh, unrelenting environment. You’ll be on sand covered granite, there will be no cover from the sun. Your nose? It will burn! If you incur a wound and use a band aid, you’ll end up with a weird tan line. 

Kind of like I ran out of band aids, so I put a slug on it.

While romping about in Joshua Tree I discovered the origins for Voldemort's face.

"Skull Rock"? More like "Voldemort Nose"

I'm so clever.

Also, how long has it been since you’ve gone five days without a shower? I have to say that this camping trip was a first for me and wow, people get shockingly filthy after five days with no shower. I ended up clipping off my nails to try and keep the dirt out from under them (I can't stand dirty fingernails), but it didn’t help. I ended up with a tan, but after I finally bathed it turned out that I wasn’t quite as tan as I initially thought. How gross is that?

For good measure, here's a coyote!

And lastly, proof that I was actually out in the desert.

Now that I'm home and have regular access to showering facilities, which after camping don't seem as dirty as I remember, I'm really happy to be back to my website and scouring the internet for data to share with you all!

Thanks for your patience while I was on vacation, and I hope that my throw-back posts were of sufficient entertainment value :D

-MJ

Posted in: bees like sugar,camping,coyote,doctor who gif,geek girl,honey we shrunk ourselves dirty fingernails,instagram cat pictures,joshua tree,rattlesnake,road runners are small,skull rock