(Pre-post tantalizing tidbit: this story involves bloodshed.* Read on!)
Let me tell you a few things about this Skyward Sword Link Figma Action Figure. First off, you need it. Are you a Legend of Zelda fan? Yes? Need! If no, then what the hell are you even doing with your free time? Oh, you're reading and rescuing kittens and playing Bingo with your grandmother? Well alright, that's acceptable.
Okay, so we've established that you need this Figma figurine. But why? Because it's one of the most incredible toys I've ever owned. It has been a while since I've had a legit toy. I'm a "grown up" now and so I buy a lot of books and video games, but I don't think I've had a toy like this since I was collecting Melanie's Mall and Betty Spaghetti. Figma's Skyward Sword Link features more moving parts than a K'nex set (I don't know if that's actually true because I've never owned K'nex). He comes with two faces, two hair pieces, TEN hands, a sword, scabbard and shield, a swishy blue thing to create the dramatic effect of him "slicing" through the air with the Master Sword, and a stand with an articulating arm to facilitate all manner of poses.
Opening up the packaging was, truly, like Christmas morning as an 11 year old. I demanded a knife from Morgan (who was trying to read and was not impressed by my interruptions) and carefully slid it along the clear taped edge of the box. I had planned from the start to take Link out of the box but that didn't mean his original home had to become a mangled, discarded mess. In fact I pieced his packaging back together very carefully and stored it away elsewhere, like an overly obsessive child would, or an extremely strict great-aunt who hand dusts her china set on a daily basis and makes you spit your toothpaste into the toilet because she just cleaned out the sink.
Before that happened though, I sifted through the plastic treasure trove, loudly remarking on each item.
"IT COMES WITH A PLASTIC BAG!" I shrieked through a gaping smile (I'm seriously not sure how I said this because I looked like one of the people from the Black Hole Sun music video). Morgan smiled at me over his book, one eye still on his page, with a face that only barely hid the fact that, while he was happy for me, he wanted to get back to his damn book.
The bag thing is a big deal for two reasons: 1. This dude comes with a lot of pieces, like I already described, and the people who made it want to do all they can to make sure customers don't lose their stuff and that is damn nice of them. 2. Board games that are the same price (or more) as this Figma figurine come with craploads more tiny, small, important pieces and they don't include plastic bags. No, they offer them for sale on third party websites. Way to go, board game printers.
I think it's important at this point that everyone knows I promptly stabbed myself while assembling the Master Sword. I have a pin prick on my finger like I got my blood drawn for a physical, which is crazy because I don't allow doctors to do that anymore and I no longer participate in tiring activities that would even warrant a physical. But anyway, here's what happened. I was trying to figure out how to get Link to actually hold the sword, but the box and instructions were all in Japanese. I laid out all of the pieces in front of me, hastily shooing a cat away, and lamented out loud, "He's holding it on the box! Why can't I figure this out?!"
After further careful poking and prodding (which was more like pulling and whining while being simultaneously terrified of breaking my brand new toy) I realized that the very teeny tiny bottom of the sword hilt could come off, which allowed the handle to be slid through Link's gripping palm (one of five different hand positions to choose from!). I made an off-handed comment about the brilliance of this design before sliding the handle through and placing the teeny tiny bottom part back onto the hilt. Or, at least I tried to. The teeny tiny cap piece didn't want to go back on. I realized it was time to get into the serious effort position. So obviously I furrowed my brow, stuck out my tongue, and then pinched the impossibly tiny pieces in my fingers and pushed with all of my might.
Then I screamed in pain.
Morgan dropped his book with a noise of concern and asked what was wrong at the same time that I dropped all of the pieces I was holding and stared incredulously at my thumb as a tiny red dot formed.
"The sword stabbed me!" I exclaimed in disbelief. I then immediately showed him the pointy bits on the bottom area of the sword and repeatedly insisted that he poke them to understand just how sharp they were.
The next ten or fifteen minutes followed similarly, with me raving about not knowing what went where or how to make the stand work, and after trying to get photos of Link riding both of the cats I officially put him away for the night because I dropped him sword first onto my face and nearly got myself in the eye.
In conclusion, this is a badass toy of an incredibly high quality and it will mess you up if you're not careful with it.
After a few days (read: allowing my thumb to heal) I decided to bust him out again and have a little photo shoot. This time with my real camera!
*Okay, so it wasn't real bloodshed, but it did break the skin!
**All photos property of Miranda Eubanks/A Bit of Geek