Ten Types of People at the Trans Siberian Orchestra

My family and I attended this magnificent display of talent back in November, and I made a few observations amid the sights and sounds of Christmas rock music.



1. The Crier







Easy to spot in your row, they tend to be slightly hunched, legs crossed, with one hand over or near their mouth. They're not loud, but you can see the crinkled eyes, the welling tears, and if you watch very closely, you can see the rasping breath creep through their chest cavity as they try not to disturb their neighbor.



2. The Overly Enthusiastic







Most likely wearing a TSO shirt already, this fan creates their own, one-manned waves. In fact, they're almost never seen without their arms high above their head, waving in an emphatic rhythm with a desperate hope of the performers seeing him from the nosebleed section.



3. The Totally Unaware







There's a chance that this person doesn't go to many entertainment events. She's screaming when no one else is, jumping in her seat as though she wants to create her own personal mosh pit, and, most astonishingly of all, answering her phone in the middle of a Christmas rock concert, violins reverberating about. She is also wearing a brightly colored, flashing pin on her hat, and she is seated directly in front of your friend.



4. The Early Clapper







You know the guy. Clapping a full three seconds before the other seven thousand people, anxious to let everyone know how much he appreciated the song.



5. The Chatter







A friendly and harmless seat mate, passing the time by letting you know that the floor seats weren't that expensive, they were just sold out. The heavens are in your favor though, because she's a Doctor Who fan, and so you mercifully pass the time amiably. Also, she stops talking once the show starts.



6. The Bored







A man who is having second thoughts about his Saturday afternoon plans. He is checking e-mail for the last hour of the show, with no bother to dim the brightness on his phone. This gentlemen is sitting to the right of the person in front of you. Hey, buddy, iOS 7 incorporated the ability to do that by a quick thumb flip. Have some courtesy.



7. The No Touchy







An unusual seatmate, not often encountered in such a setting. They're sitting as far away from you as physically possible without actually leaving their seat, knees curled to the right, left shoulder hunched protectively against their chest, leaving the armrest completely untouched. This specimen is seated to your right.



8. The Director







Feel lucky that you get to experience this person's budding interest in cinematography. Not a single song goes by without them whipping out a Nokia, that somehow can record videos, and joyfully filming the light show. They spend the entire three hours watching the incredible display of talent through a postage stamp, for posterity, feeling very pleased with the knowledge that they can relive the experience again and again.



9. The Sleeper







They've given up and don't care about the booming music playing all around them. It's three in the afternoon, the perfect time for taking a nap. As their head rocks back, over and over again, brushing delicately against the person seated behind them (that's you, by the way), they ponder to themselves that the orange stadium seat, mashed between two neighbors, is the most comfortable sleeping place they've ever encountered.



10. Me







Possibly too busy watching the astonishing array of personalities around me to catch the entirety of the pyrotechnics going on on stage, frantically listing these people in my head because they were too entertaining to ignore. You can spot me staring wide eyed at the backs of their heads, smiling widely all the time.



-MJ



*This is intended as an entertainment piece, it's supposed to be funny. Sometimes I miss the mark, but I think I really got it this time.

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*preview image source

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